A Crow's Life: March 2009

"No! Don't hang that photo!"

"I know, I know, me at Disneyland doesn't go with the Vermeer prints--"

"It's not that--there's a weak spot in the wall at that exact point."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure. There's also six knot holes under the wallpaper and a slight crosswire in the outlet..."

"How do you know all that?"

"Because I built this nest myself, Lionel. I know every last detail of the construction, right down to the number of tiles on the bathroom wall."
"You? Build a nest? Seriously?"
"I still can't believe you built a nest. Next you'll be telling us you did it all by yourself.""Which I did, smarty pants. It wasn't easy--I spent months studying the techniques in Nestbuilding School...

First there were months of intensive study of the principles behind nestbuilding--I was at the top of the class in nest theory, by the way.

Then came the courses in Advanced Nest Design, where we studied method--
"There are actually classes for designing nests?"
"Absolutely--after those, you move on to Drafting class...that's where you draw the blueprints, of course. Here's a bit of an old homework assignment--there's where I scribbled out my first idea--a bit ambitious, I felt. Oh, the hours I spent labouring over it...

...Last, but not least, my favorite: Construction Studies. I chose Sticklaying as my preferred medium--

"Sticklaying class? Is that like the Three Little Pigs?"
"I hardly think my hard works deserves comparison with pigs in a magical forest, thank you very much. But yes, it's sort of similar.